The Cosmic Egg and the Murderous Self are two sides of the same coin. It is a coin that I flip daily. Heads, the Cosmic Egg, and my day is filled with my dreams of wondrous possibilities and creative freedom. Tails, the Murderous Self, and my day is full of self doubt and longing. What I discovered, however, is that I control and land of the coin most days. And I always control the attitude I choose to face the day with. For instance I’ve been moving which is something I enjoy as much as I would enjoy having to chew my own arm off. It has to be done, I’m not wealthy enough to pay someone else to do the work for me and I’m so tired at the end of my day. I would have to pay someone to chew for me if I had the energy left to cook. Of course the voice in my head that speaks for the murderous self is loudest.
“What made you think you ever had what it took to follow the creative path?” It whispers.
My tired body answers.
“I have to. If this is all there is to life…this drudgery and pain, I don’t want it. Life isn’t worth living for me without the hope that my creative nee authentic self gives to me.”
“But, I am your authentic self.”
“No, you are my should be. You are the voice of other’s expectations and judgments of worthiness.”
I am worthy no matter what my circumstance. I am worthy no matter what my faults. I am worthy just because I’m me and I have a right to be who I am.
